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November 14 2017

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back the fuck up

There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.

So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.

The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.

Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.

did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out

This just keeps getting better

I fucking love history.

ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok

so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.

The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.

On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap

When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro”

and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes

wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.

and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.

Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat. 

and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked.

Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.

Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy. 

Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.

Zhuge Liang is legend.

I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.

If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.

Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:


Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang

@admiraloblivious we’re finding this movie and watching it asap



Reposted byLykoutrydixhappykokeshi




who needs ghosts? haunt your own house. wander around your own living room wailing and crying

I do already ghosts hate me because I do their job for them

Millennials killing the haunting industry.



me forcing my followers to look at my newest obsession

November 13 2017





if a british person is named shaggy does it kinda feel like being named fucky?

The first time I watched Scooby Doo I was distraught

that’s what I wanted to hear








Wish there were sweaters but like,for feet


make your own post

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im actually… really proud of this!! anyway have jade as a witch

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how long is this trip





heres a concept: inchad.

no matter what this guy does, no matter how badly he cuts his hair, no matter how shitty he dresses, no longer how many days he skips showing, no matter how rude or uncharismatic he is, he is completely unable to stop people from finding him to be the most handsome man they’ve ever seen.













Actually being an apple fanboy is classist

If you in any way express your admiration or even preference of apple products to android phones you’re classist and the reason silicon valley capitalism thrives

Iphone fans better reblog this lmao

Android users trying to send snaps during the revolution

I’m always confused by this joke because…like, something admirable about Android is that they team up with companies who make affordable phones for people who can’t afford high-end smart phones. Android is an OS, it has nothing to do with shitty camera quality? They’re pretty much doing what Apple would never do (yeah, because they’re classist and racist af) which is giving poor people access to smart phone tech, so that they can interact with their peers even if they’re doing so on a shitty phone and not a Samsung Edge 8 (which is the higher end of phones that run Android). Like idk y’all can laugh at these jokes but let’s not pretend they aren’t rooted in classism and a lack of understanding of the difference between an OS and a phone lmao.

In all seriousness if i remember correctly sometimes its not even the cameras fault that snaps look so bad on android, its just that the way snapchat was written for android (by the snapchat developers) literally takes screenshots of your screen or something like that. still

Yeah that’s literally why

Yeah cause making apps for Android sucks

i hate to burst ur bubble but making apps for android is 1000% easier than it is for iOS. on android there’s open-source development software you can use, but if you want to make an app for iphones, you have to go through licensing and registration hell just to get it on the app store, and you have to use their proprietary devkit to develop it

not to mention all the bullshit apple puts you through to fix simple mistakes, like changing a battery or fixing a screen be purposefully difficult and making people be certified to do it by paying hundreds of dollars for the certificate whereas bullshit like that doesnt happen with android

we were asked in my first comp sci class to name a piece of software and one boy said “iOS” and the professor responded “a mac man. good for you!” apple is horrible and every time there was a problem with software it was always mac

November 12 2017

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please tell me what i think is being implied is actually what is being implied

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Reposted byKciukWzupie KciukWzupie

November 11 2017



I believe in the value of Jewish people. I believe they are worth fighting for, and I believe Jewish lives are worth protecting. I believe, without a doubt, in the Jewish people.

November 10 2017

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this boy is hopeless and this show is damaging my soul

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Sure was nice of the princess to invite us here for coffee, eh Luigi?

Reposted bykulkacurly kulkacurly
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